Relationship advice for my best friend.
If you treat a girl the way you treat me—the person you call your best friend—good luck buddy.
- Girls like to be called. Every day.
- Girls don’t appreciate feeling like “video games vs. time with me,” is a big decision for you.
- “How’s that working out for you?” won’t cut it when a girl tells you how she is feeling.
- “I don’t know,” is NEVER a viable answer to the question “Can we hang out?”. I know it’s more polite than the real answer… “No. I’m busy playing Halo,” but I assure you, girls find both answers equally repulsive. Anything other than “Of course,” or, “No. I’m in the hospitable with Skin Melting Off Syndrome,” is wrong.
- After a girl texts you, a timer automatically begins. With each minute you waste replying, her thoughts become more and more morbid. Here’s a sample: Minute 2 - “Oh…he’s probably driving.” Minute 30 - “OMG THAT CHEATING WHORE. I’LL BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN.” Minute 60 - *crying in the floor* Ten minutes is the absolute maximum acceptable amount of time to reply, and that’s when she is in a good mood.
- If it takes you 2 hours to return a girl’s call, she expects an explanation immediately after the word “hello.” Do not wait for her to ask. If she has to ask, it’s way too late. Once again, “I was playing Halo,” or “My phone was upstairs,” are not viable excuses.
